I Cannot Fly (Without His Wings)
by destieljohnlockinthetardis
Summary: My first fanfiction (jeez I suck at summaries, I'll try to get better, sorry) It's basically just Sammy's feels after S5 E19 *spoilers* So yeah PLEASE REVIEW/FAVORITE/FOLLOW.


_This is my first fan fiction ever so it probably sucks. Its unbeta'ed so every mistake is made by yours truly… So I got the idea for writing this after drinking about a gallon of iced tea and a whole bunch of candy, so please don't judge me too harshly. Didn't actually get around to writing it until the next day in AP Euro the next day… Yes, finals week is here and I said "Meh". Hehehehe… umm yea so this is basically just Sabriel feels, which isn't even one of my ships but whelp, stuff happens. Slightly AU_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or anything mentioned in this fic._

**I Cannot Fly (Without His Wings)**

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"This is me standing up. And this is me lying down," said that familiar voice. The voice that had told him his greatest weakness. The voice of the one who told him to play his role. The only voice he knew that he could actually hear that damn smirk in it. And now it was silenced. Forever.

Sam quickly slammed the laptop shut after seeing what was going on, I mean it was called Casa Erotica for a reason obviously.

He felt a hand gently touch his shoulder and his brother said, "You good Sammy?"

Sam looked up to see Dean looking at him with a mixture of compassion, sadness, and awkwardness that was so… Dean. "Yeah, I'm fine Dean. Let's get moving, no chick-flick moments right?" he said, feeling his heart throb at every word.

Dean knew his brother was bullshitting him, but now wasn't the best time to talk about feelings and crap.

Sam knew that they should leave and keep moving, but it was hard. It was always hard.

He grabbed his laptop off of the roof of the car and stowed it, along with his gear, in the trunk. He turned, arms reaching out for Deans only to see him offering the keys to him.

"It's your turn Sammy, I need my 4 hours," Dean offered as an excuse.

Sam sighed and took the keys, knowing that this was Deans ultimate "I'm-so-sorry-about-that-this- is-how-I-show-it-because-I-don't-do-feelings" consolation. He walked around the Impala and swung himself behind the wheel.

Dean plopped into shotgun after storing his bag and quickly proceeded to turn his head to the window and fall asleep as Sam drove off down the road, like they had so many times before.

Sam turned the radio on so he wouldn't feel so alone. Like he always was. Just him and his brother, against the world. Except there's some holes a brother can't fill.

_I can love but I need his heart_

_I am strong even on my own_

Sam found himself immersed in his memories of Gabriel. The wonderful, strong archangel who had defied his family and finally stood up for what was right.

_But from him I never want to part_

_He's been there since the very start_

Gabe. Those golden eyes always lit up with mischief, warm and sparkling. That amazing smirk that told you he was planning another trick, another game to play.

_Bless the day he came to be_

_Angels wings carried him to me_

Why did it seem that everybody he cared about only died. Mom, Jess, Madison, Dean, Ruby. And now even Gabriel. His Gabe. Maybe this is just the Winchesters curse. Never finding happiness or a home, cursed to travel the country, eternally driving down that never ending road. It seemed like no matter how much good they did the world would just keep taking and taking until there was nothing left.

_My angel Gabriel_

_My angel Gabriel_

Sam woke from his reminisces at that name, and smiled that broken smile of his as he turned up the radio and, under his breath, sang along with it.

_I can shine even in the darkness_

_But I crave the light that he brings_

_Revel in the songs that he sings_

All this noise woke Dean up who sat there pretending to sleep and listening to his brother sing his shattered heart out. He sat up, stretching and rubbing his eyes, and Sam slowly stopped singing and switched to humming along with it.

And if Dean noticed the tears trickling down Sams face, we'll never know.

_My angel Gabriel_

_My angel Gabriel_

_My angel Gabriel_

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_AN: In case you're interested, the song mentioned in the fic is called "Gabriel" by Lamb…_


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